my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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