even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
