I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
