Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
