Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Come see our sink grown plant.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
