went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
