when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
