i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
