I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We talked him into tasing himself.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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