i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
