A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
