she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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