First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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