That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
we're so committed to being not committed
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
