you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
