My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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