So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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