Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you win again, gameday.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
