My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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