why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
