Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
