ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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