My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
