I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
