Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
