im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
