if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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