Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
