That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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