If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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