If i come over, it means nothing
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
