Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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