Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
