I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
