I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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