we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
