i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
