I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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