rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
