the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize