Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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