i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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