youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
