Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sorry about my life...
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