im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!â€. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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