You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
