Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
