this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
