you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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