I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
