I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
