omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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