I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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