i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
