we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
