I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
