Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
