Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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