well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
