Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
