i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
