Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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