Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
