I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
