i love accidental penises.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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