There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
