Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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