ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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